Finding Balance in Ballet and Beyond

Hi friend!

My name is Mia and 7 months ago I retired from a ballet company thinking it was the end of my professional career. I spent 24 years training to become the best dancer I could be, for it to suddenly come to an end.

My people were there for me, but to be honest… I felt very alone as I processed this big life change. 

I kept thinking why did no one prepare me? Why can’t I move on? 

That’s when the concept of “The Story Goes” was born. I knew that if I was experiencing this, then so were others. 

Whether you are dancing professionally, aspiring to do so, or retired from the stage. There will be something for everyone here!

And there is no better way to kick off this journey than an interview with Jess Spinner. 

Jess coaches high-level dancers in health, nutrition, and lifestyle. She started The Whole Dancer with a desire to help dancers find more balance in their pursuit of dance. You might’ve seen her in the popular Pointe and Dance Magazine.

We could all use some more balance, right?

During our call, Jess shared some of the struggles she faced in her professional ballet career. Struggles we can all relate to:

1. A complicated relationship with food &

2. Insecure body image

You might think that these challenges disappear when you stop dancing. Goodbye mirrors and tights! But from my experience, it wasn’t the case. A healing journey needs to take place if we truly want a healthy body image and relationship with food.

Jess encourages dancers to find balance. To explore other aspects of who you are and what you enjoy doing. To focus on your capabilities instead of your perceived limitations.

I learned a lot and I know you will too. So let’s jump in…

Welcome! I would love it if you could share a bit of your dance journey.

Sure! I always categorized myself as a late starter in terms of ballet. I started dancing early but it was at, what Americans would qualify as, a “Dolly Dinkle” kind of school. It wasn't serious and not great training. But it was great fun, and I loved it. 

It was here that I developed a passion for ballet. The owner told me to go where I could actually train in ballet. So at the age of 12, I ended up changing schools. That's when my serious ballet training started.

Being from New York, I trained on Long Island at The School of The Eglevsky Ballet. I was there all through high school and each summer, I went to various summer intensives. 

By the end of high school, I knew I wanted to dance professionally. My mother really wanted me to go to college though. At the time I didn’t feel ready for a company either. Not from a technical, artistic, or I would even say a maturity standpoint. 

We decided on Butler University where I studied Dance and Arts Administration. After graduating from Butler, I danced with the Louisville Ballet for a couple of seasons. 

But for me, I was ready to be out of the Midwestern/South part of the United States - being from New York and all. So I moved with a friend to Boston and it was here that I started freelancing. 

What motivated you to end your performing career? 

It always amazes me that dance teachers seem to be in denial that all young female dancers will go through puberty. Between ages 13 and 18 our bodies will change. 

I got that body feedback around age 14, or 15. And it stayed with me my entire dance journey. I started to be very focused on what I perceived to be wrong with my body for ballet. Always thinking like that was the thing holding me back. That was why I wasn't getting opportunities or promotions or whatever.

Unfortunately, during my freelancing days, I developed an injury. I decided to move back to New York while I rested and did rehab. 

The plan was to continue dancing so while preparing for auditions and freelancing again, I started taking class at Steps every day. But I was having such a hard time. I still was experiencing a lot of pain from this injury.

I was committed to get back to the level I use to be - taking classes five or six times a week. When the holidays came around and I was looking for more work I applied for a retail job at Lululemon. 

After getting the job I stopped taking class. It wasn't really a conscious decision - at least not one that I remember making. I just… stopped dancing. It was an abrupt transition!

Do you still have a passion for movement now? 

When I stopped, I didn't think I would ever dance again. At the time, I had no desire to. 

There were a lot of transitions for me with movement. I needed some separation from the obsessive nature that dancers can have around it.

I do love to move and I can happily say I enjoy going to class again. I also teach some dance classes.

I'm a mother to a five-year-old daughter, so I don't always have time for myself in that way. There are busy periods in motherhood that stop me from attending organized movement classes. 

In those busy seasons, movement sometimes looks like going to the playground and being outside with my daughter.

How did you navigate the changes your body went through from not dancing 8+ hours a day?

Yeah, my experience in yoga had a very positive impact on me from a body image standpoint. I went to studios where mirrors were not part of the equation anymore.

I also had instructors who helped me focus on what my body is capable of. Versus getting stuck in perceived limitations, or inadequacies. Whereas in dance, we look in the mirror; and we're trained to pick out what is wrong. What needs to be fixed, and what could be better?

It's very much the opposite. And that helped my healing a lot. I was able to establish a relationship with food that was finally balanced and easy.

As a coach, how do you guide dancers who are thinking about stopping? 

Part of it is considering what phase of their career or journey they might be at. A lot of people benefit from a break. For younger professionals, I am a big advocate for taking a break from it. And that's a very scary concept.

Sometimes they're like, ‘How could I possibly?!’ But I've seen so many dancers take a break. For a season they focus on doing things for themselves. Maybe they take a complete break away from dance for some time.

After a period away, they decide if they want to go back to taking class. After starting class again, they decide if they want to go through the audition process. 

If you need to be making money in order to support yourself, start there. Go find a job. It doesn't have to be the career change for the next 15 years. Take a step without attaching such a great magnitude to it. 

It's all about exploring. Being open to possibilities and not limiting yourself. And so I try to encourage an open mind.

I know a lot of times people have that pressure from external sources. Like parents, friends, or colleagues, who ask: What's next? And now as a parent, I can understand this perspective. 

But the thing is, most people, like your parents, want to know that you have a plan. It's very scary to people (and for ourselves), the idea that we might not have a set plan. 

And especially for dancers, you had this plan. In many cases, from the time you're 12 years old or younger, right? You know what you’re going to do for a job. But then it ends… 

But I think you have to let yourself be open to possibility and inspiration. To seek and question and not force yourself into some new box. 

Do you have any tips for dancers who are struggling with the transition? 

You will benefit from starting that mental transition earlier.

I am a big supporter of dancers having a picture of who they are as people, besides their dancer identity. When you start something so young, it's a very big part of your identity. So the idea of leaving that, removing yourself, or being pushed out, is so scary.

Say to yourself: Who am I or who do I want to be outside of dance? 

If I'm not defining myself as this anymore who do I actually want to be in the world? Or this is part of my identity, but it's not going to be my primary identifier anymore, who do I want to be in the world? 

If you could go back to that time, what would you have told yourself?

You're going to be okay. You know, I think it's scary. And people have a lot of doubt and self-doubt in it.

They have questions about their dance journey. Was that enough? Will I be enough in the “normal” world? 

To just know that it will all be fine. Keep taking steps forward, connected to who you want to be in the world.

We all have setbacks. But if you are taking action, connected to the vision that you have for yourself in this world, then you'll be okay. 

The ballet world is a beautiful one. There are many positive traits we take into our next journey: discipline, excellence, focus, creativity, and more. But sometimes the bad traits come along for the journey too.

I realized how often I focus on my limitations and false beliefs of what a ballet dancer “should” look like. I even do that in my personal life! 

Let's celebrate our strengths, accept our limitations, and change our false beliefs. 

This newsletter is part of the desire to make a change. To make the ballet world more balanced. To give encouragement, inspiration, and support to dancers and ex-dancers.

If this resonates with you, subscribe to this newsletter! You’ll receive more interviews like this, as well as other helpful content - for example about nutrition, injuries, retirement, and more!

You can learn more about The Whole Dancer on their website. Or connect directly with Jess on Instagram or over a consultation call.